Growing Pains vs. Suffering in Transformation

Healing Power of Grief

Grief is at the center of Transformation.

How do we know when we are leaning into the grief that comes with growth vs. that of suffering? 

Grief in growth is letting go and trusting.

Grief in suffering is holding on and trying to control.

Grief in growth allows us to remain open to becoming anew though temporarily painful, it provides a on-ramp to a new way of being. The grief in suffering leads to despair especially when reality doesn’t match our egos plans and outlook. It prolongs growth and change. 

I never understood why people are enamored with the butterfly as a metaphor for transformation. Perhaps it is the pragmatist in me that asks: who wants to be caterpillar mush where you have no control while being reshaped and trust that you won’t get blown away in a storm or eaten! Transformation happens in the most vulnerable and humbling state of the creature. Perhaps it is in that state that we truly give up our plans for a higher plan. What courage to trust that while we are creative beings with agency, intelligence and intuition, we are not the ultimate creator in charge of our becoming (or anyone else’s).   

A fellow traveler in a 12 step community once shared with me: 
The inner child feels and alerts us to our truth
The adult discerns, acts and advocates
The higher power heals and is responsible for outcomes

When we get this mixed up our growth easily becomes our suffering. 

What do you trust that allows you to grieve and let go?