Our level of ego differentiation determines our behavioral style. Higher levels of differentiation are correlated with assertive behavioral strategies that lead to greater results and overall well-being.
What is differentiation? According to Dr. Julie De Azevedo Hanks it is the ability to maintain one’s own sense of self while staying connected with others. It also includes the ability to engage authentically vs. operating from a “false self” or persona.
Low differentiation is correlated with ineffective behavioral strategies such as being aggressive, passive or passive aggressive. High control environments impact psych safety which creates low differentiation for individuals. A healthy human system or organization culture will have a high differentiation set of conditions, meaning it is ok to have differing beliefs, ways of being and still belong.
Here is a summary sheet on each style including typical behaviors, communication approaches and boundaries. Some mistake assertive for aggressive and reward it as “powerful” while some are afraid to be assertive for fear of being aggressive.
Aggressive: Considering one’s own rights/interests while negating the rights of others.
Assertive: Considering one’s own rights/interests while also considering the rights of others.
Passive: Considering the rights of others while suppressing (neglecting) one’s own rights.
Passive Aggressive: Considering the rights of others in the moment and then covertly pursuing one’s own rights/interests.
Reflection: What do you notice about these approaches in your own journey?
I have used all these strategies unconsciously. It is important for me to take a gentle and compassionate approach because we are all shaped by the human condition and…some form of trauma.
Kind regards,
Aman